ALBERTO TANDOI

Hotel Tina​

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“If I have saved even one girl from suicide in all my years, then my life has not been in vain.”

Tina is in her seventies. About herself, she says: “I am a crossdresser, a whole person embracing both my masculine and feminine sides. That said, I relate more strongly with my feminine side.” Today, she wears a red sequined dress and sports blonde hair. In her past, she boxed, practiced karate, joined the army cadets, and was a county-level athlete — all activities pushed on her by her father, who insisted he “wasn’t having a sissy for a son.”

Like many others who cross-dress, Tina was married and had to keep her feminine side hidden. After her divorce, she came out of the closet and began living openly as a woman, appearing to family, friends, and colleagues in her feminine role. Coming out is a brave step, and some people face rejection from loved ones, but leading a double life can also take a heavy mental toll.

Tina has experienced many of these challenges firsthand and now helps others live as they wish. Locally, her home is known as “Hotel Tina,” a safe space where people can dress, get made up, and be the person they want to be.

During Christmas and New Year, when loneliness can feel overwhelming, suicide rates among cross-dressers and non-binary people tend to rise. Many have come out and been rejected, leaving them without support. Hotel Tina becomes a warm and welcoming place where they can spend the festive season with friends in an accepting environment.

It is not uncommon for cross-dressers to lead a double life, dressing in feminine clothing occasionally while continuing to fulfill roles as husbands, fathers, or other societal expectations. The alternative is to come out fully, but that can sometimes lead to estrangement from family and isolation.

Before 1967, under the Gross Indecency Law, gay men could be sentenced to up to two years in prison. Tina lived through those times and often felt completely alone. She experienced what she calls “purges,” periods when she wanted to discard all her feminine clothing, wigs, and accessories. Yet Tina always returned to her authentic self. Today, she lives fully as a cross-dresser and dedicates herself to supporting others who face similar struggles.

Tina’s story is one of many I have collected for this project. I have interviewed and photographed many people. Some cross-dress as a form of self-expression, others as part of exploring gender identity, and some use it as a temporary escape from reality. Some are supported by partners or spouses, while others face rejection.

Because many of the people I photograph continue to live a double life, I use colored lighting as a visual strategy to partially obscure identities, suggesting the tension between living one’s dream and returning to the reality of a society that often accepts only what is considered “normal.” Even when these individuals experience joy or freedom through cross-dressing, societal pressure forces them to retreat from that life, sometimes for years at a time.

This is one of the many stories I have collected.

 

 

TINA'S STORY : 

 

 

Let me first define how I see myself. I am a crossdresser, a whole person embracing both

masculine and feminine sides. That said I do relate more strongly with my feminine side.

 

For the first 5 or 6 years of my life I was raised in a very non-binary way with my younger sister, were both taught to sew, knit, cook, help with the laundry and ironing, we were both allowed to dress as we wanted and we spent a lot of time dressing in each other's clothes and performing shows for mum. It wasn't until I started school that I felt that I was somehow different from the other boys I was mixing with, but didn't know why or how. It was at this time my father noticed my feminine traits and wasn't having a sissy for a son, so at the age of 5 I was thrust into the brutal masculine world of boxing, karate, rugby and later scouts and army cadets. I look back on these times with a certain amount of nostalgia, I managed to excel at quite a few masculine sports, and was a county athlete for swimming and cross-country running until I was 25. Despite being in a world for the next 11 years, my feminine personality was never far below the surface which seems to help with meeting girlfriends, they said they felt safe with me, lol poor deluded females. I had a full and varied heterosexual life style . Maybe it helped that I was lead singer in a pop group for 2 years from 1964-1966, then my voice broke.

Still under my fathers thumb, I had shown a flair for cooking, so he signed me up as an apprentice chef with Forte Hotel group. The apprenticeship consisted of 4 months in a hotel kitchen, then 8 months of college or University. Little did he know this was the beginning of the Tina that is here

today.

 

At the age of 16 I was sent to my first hotel which was in Suffolk, it was there that I met two French girls on an exchange visit as waitresses. It is to these two girls that I really became Tina, they were the first to really know about my wanting to dress and appear as female. They gave me my first ever full make over, and what a revelation that was, there I was a 12 ½ stone muscle bound guy who now looked like a fashion model. It was perfect timing, the time of hippies, the summer of love, most men were growing their hair long, wearing kaftans, and wearing face paints, this era was quickly followed by the glam- rock era when it was fashionable for men to use make- up and try to look feminine. In the second hotel I met another girl who helped me buy clothes and advised me on

fashion. From 1966 until 1971 I was learning how to be who I am today, all be it bit by bit never fully as female, learning about make- up, how to act as feminine but still be perceived as masculine.

 

It was so easy then everyone was doing the same, we never felt strange, never encountered abuse or derision, except from our parents generation.

 

Free from the restraints and worries of who I was or wanted to be I excelled with my studies as a Chef and became the apprentice of the year in 1971 with the best marks ever achieved up until then.

 

Shortly after winning this award I decided on a career change and became a driving instructor. With more time on my hands I had a holiday in Spain in 1973 with 2 friends who were also crossdressers.

 

With the world at our feet and the confidence of a few alcoholic beverages we decided to enter the hotel beauty contest and came first, second and third. Whether it was for novelty value or the fact we looked good it was a great result and we were treated like kings for the rest of our holiday.

 

It was soon after I returned from Spain that I met my first wife, who didn't want Tina as part of our marriage. It was at this time I decided that I had to be either all male or all feminine, whereas up until then the lines had become somewhat blurred. Let me try and explain for anyone who is too young to have lived then. There were still the 2 recognised genders dressing as either female in short skirts or hot pants or in flared trousers and pretty tops, or as masculine in jeans and t- shirts and leather jackets, but at the same time in was acceptable for men to wear Cuban heel shoes or boots, wear kaftans, have long hair and wear make-up as well as sport a beard or moustache.

 

I think my guardian angel was working overtime then (and still is lol) because at the same time as my wife not wanting Tina, the punk rock era arrived and acceptance disappeared, it became fashionable to go "gay bashing” and anyone a little bit different from the perceived norm was fair game for a pasting. Somehow for the next 23 years Tina disappeared completely, staying hidden deep within me through 2 marriages and raising 4 great children. I never had the urge to secretly wear feminine garments under my male clothes, to me I was going to be all Tina or nothing but male.

 

In 19781 contracted meningitis and was only given a 50 50 chance of surviving, I lost 2½ stone while in hospital, which gave me my slim figure today, but made a full recovery. After this illness I went back to catering and worked for Robert Maxwell at the Daily Mirror, until his death, then went on to become Head Chef at the B.B.C.

 

As the children got older and started to fly the nest my wife and I realised that we had spent so much time bringing the children up that we had neglected each other and the spark had died. After chatting about our futures we decided a divorce was the best option for us and parted as the best of friends to build new lives for ourselves.

 

Alone and having a house to myself it wasn't long before my thoughts turned to my distant past as Tina. Despite my bravado in the 70s I was now scared to be seen as Tina, so I only dressed indoors.

 

Even buying clothes and make-up was scary, I used every trick I could think of to hide things, when buying clothes or make-up I always bought a birthday card and kept it on display so that it looked like I was buying presents for a partner or daughter. It wasn't until towards the end of the year I bought my first computer and things got easier. Eventually the urge to go out dressed as Tina became unstoppable, so like a lot of girls it was the midnight walk.

 

Getting dressed nervously waiting for it to get dark, checking all the neighbours lights were off, standing behind the front door, heart racing, checking for the hundredth time that I had my keys, knees shaking, butterflies in my stomach, opening the door just enough to peep out to make sure no one was about, then stepping out into the night, terrified of being seen, but spurred on by the need to be out. A short walk and back indoors, heart still racing, but feeling elated at being so brave. After a few night time walks, my confidence grew and I was ready for a night drive, yet again, getting nervously ready, checking all is quiet, out the door, walk to the car, a quick drive round the block and home again, parking, checking no one is about before getting out, a fast walk to the front door and

in. Soon I wanted to meet others who dressed as female to, so started to search the internet for groups, clubs and places to go and meet others. Maybe I didn't look hard enough, but the only places I could find were the fetish clubs where it was acceptable to dress and act as female. At first it was great just being out with others, me dressed as a girl, some dressed in latex, some semi-nude, but it soon became clear that I was expected to join in some of the games or would not be welcomed back. For a few weeks I stopped going and just dressed indoors alone again, but soon the urge to go out and be with others became too strong to resist. At the time I was fully heterosexual, even a little homophobic, so the games they played were not for me except being spanked or caned, something I had always wondered about, I was never punished this way as a child at home or school.

but knew others who had been. Somehow in my mind this seemed a good thing, feeling that dressing as a girl was wrong it was natural to be punished for doing it. Having a sore backside was a small price to pay for the freedom of being out dressed. Very soon though the games got out of hand and I was forced into more sexual acts and was raped twice. After this happened everything I had that related to being Tina was thrown out or destroyed, I felt dirty and used and attributed it all to being dressed as female. Like a lot of us who have thrown out all our girly stuff and fought against who we are the urge to dress soon returns. After my traumatic experience I was back to dressing in secret only dressing in my own home and on my own, but again the urge to be with likeminded people became overwhelming and again I started to research the internet. It was then that I discovered Transliving, a support group for transgender and crossdressers, who held regular club

nights fairly local to me.

 

At the time my confidence was at an all-time low, I dressed, put my wig and make-up in a carrier baggy tracksuit over my girly dress, so the neighbours wouldn't see me, drove to quiet spot, took of the tracksuit, put on my makeup and wig, then drove the 8 miles to the club .

 

As I said my confidence was at an all-time low , I got to the club car park and nerves got the better of me, I turned round and drove home again only stopping to wipe off my make-up and put on my tracksuit again. I had to wait another month before the next club night when I could try again.

 

The month went by and again I dressed covered up with my trusty tracksuit and drove to the club determined that this time I would go in. This time I managed to get out of the car, started to walk across the car park, when another car pulled in and a young couple got out, again my nerve went I bolted back to my car and again went home. Another month went by and I tried again, this time I made it through the door, and was totally amazed. Here was a brightly lit room full of girls just like me, nothing like the seedy, dark fetish clubs I had been used to. Everyone was so friendly and helpful, once they knew I was a newbie, they asked about my life, complimented me on my dress, bought me drinks, one girl even took me to a side room and re-did my hastily done make-up for me.

 

It wasn't very long before my knees stopped knocking and my heart went back to my chest instead of in my mouth. It was such an eye opening night for me, and a few girls offered to take me to other places where we could be who we wanted. After going out with these girls a few times my confidence returned and I was soon going out in public as Tina.

 

I was still hiding my feminine side from family and friends, but meeting other girls at various places to go shopping or just have a coffee or a drink. This carried on for a few years, then quite by accident the opportunity came for me to come out to everyone in a safe way.

 

I had just got home from Sparkle, the big transgender event in Manchester, where I came 4th in the Miss Golden Sparkle pageant. The Sunday I got home was my son-in-law birthday, so we were in the local pub having a drink with all my family, when my grandson asked if I could cater for his upcoming 21st birthday party, which he said would be fancy dress. The theme being we had to dress as someone or something relating to the first letter of our Christian names, well mine being a "G" I burst out laughing and after much persuasion told them I was going to come as a girl, then told them about Sparkle and the pageant. They all thought it was funny and just a story. Super dad as a girl just didn't register with them. The day of the party came and I delivered the food as Geoff, went home and changed into Tina, by the time I got back the party was in full swing. Time for me to make my grand entrance. There I was in a full length fur coat over a salmon pink short lace dress, silver strappy 5 inch heels, make-up done to perfection and a beautifully styled new wig. I walked through the door, the doorman helped take my coat and I sashayed over to the bar, turning heads as I went. I must have looked good, one of my son-in-laws friends started to chat me up, and later my daughter told me another friend had asked her who that woman was and why wasn't she in fancy dress. After the party my family asked a lot of questions about my double life, realising that I had looked and acted to well as a female for it to have been a one off. To my amazement they all accepted that Tina was a big part of my life. My 2 sons find it a bit embarrassing but accept it, my 2 daughters and granddaughters think it is great. We are all a size 12 so when they have nothing new to go out in they come and raid Daddies wardrobe, my grandson asks if he is going to see granddad Geoff or nanny Tina .

 

 

The downside of the party was that I was outed at work. My son is a professional photographer and took pictures at the party, which he then posted on his webpage, unfortunately he forgot that 2 weeks earlier he had photographed my bosses daughter's wedding. My pictures were soon all roundat work and I had a very hard time from the guys I worked with, even to the point of feeling suicidal.

I managed to weather the storm, but things never really settled down until a few months later. I was out for a birthday meal with a few friends, as Tina, but in the restaurant we chose was one of my worse critics from work with a few of his friends getting a take away. Not wanting to spoil my birthday we tried to ignore him, but he sent a drink over to me, then another drink and beckoned me to join him at the bar. I told my friends I would let him have his bit of fun, at my expense, then so I joined him at the bar. To my surprise he started to chat me up, all the time I am thinking what is he up to, when is he going to embarrass me, the longer it went on I began to realise he was serious and hadn't recognised me. It got to the point of letting him kiss me full on the lips, at which point I pulled my wig off and showed him who I was. I was pushed quite violently away, but his friends were laughing and my friends were cheering and clapping, very soon the whole restaurant joined in laughing at him, and he and his friends left in a hurry. He still doesn't know if there are any pictures of the event, so things settled down at work to the point of some of the other guys were asking about being dressed and out and about. The silver lining of this is that when I went into work dressed all in pink for the breast cancer charity event, he was one of the first to sponsor me, helping to raise over £400.

 

With no more need to hide who I was, I knew there must be other girls at the start of their journey and didn't want them to suffer the agonies and indignities that I had suffered, so I started to invite girls who only dressed at home and in secret to come to my home and dress in a safe environment and hopefully instil in them some of my confidence, giving them the chance to live the life not dream the dream. From this small beginning the girls who came here christened my home "Hotel Tina". This has become a safe haven allowing girls to come here and dress ready to go out to events and stay over if they want to, holding parties, having Christmas for girls who have "come out" but been rejected by family and friends, organising weekends away and accommodation for girls at big events.

 

This wanting to help has led to many unexpected events for me, being very high profile at pride events, out loud and proud, radio interviews, co-writing a song, performing on stage, appearing on T.V. and in magazines.

 

For all the shy girls who read this, don't struggle with who you want to be, don't make the mistakes I made, there are people out here to help, whether it just be wanting to dress with a friend or to get out and be seen as the person you want to be.

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